Am I really sorry???

Do you ever stop to notice how often you say 'I'm sorry'? During the average day, I am finding myself apologizing... a LOT, and for things that I don't really need to apologize for.

Should I really be saying "I'm sorry, but you can't have ice cream for breakfast"? Or what about, "Sorry, but I don't have time to iron your shirt before we all have to rush out of the house to work, sweetie". Am I really sorry? Not on your life. Chances are, I am more exasperated than anything at having been asked such a ridiculous thing in the first place! So why apologize?!? Even at work when I am confronted by an unhappy colleague or client, I am almost always the first to rush in with an apology. Heck, I even apologize to people who bump into me with their shopping cart in the grocery stores!

So what is this all about? Why do I, and so many of my friends (read: women friends... my husband would rather eat glass with a soup spoon than apologize for anything!), feel we need to apologize for things that are not really our fault/responsibility? For me, I think it has something to do with wanting to keep the peace, with my motherly instinct to keep people happy because happy people (particularly happy toddlers!) are easier to be around. Sometimes, though, I catch myself apologizing for what seems like just being present, for being myself, and for decisions or actions that I know in my heart are the right ones.

I need to honour my need for space. I need to recognize and take ownership for my decisions and embrace them as reflections of my best intentions and desire for good outcomes. I will acknowledge and respect other people's time and space, and in so doing extend that respect to myself as well. When required and when appropriate, I will take ownership for my actions and words and extend a heartfelt "I'm sorry" if that is what is needed. I will make amends, but will stop justifying and explaining myself to myself and to others.

So from today forward I will stop apologizing unless I truly mean it. I hope that's okay with you... sorry if it isn't.