Am I really sorry???

Do you ever stop to notice how often you say 'I'm sorry'? During the average day, I am finding myself apologizing... a LOT, and for things that I don't really need to apologize for.

Should I really be saying "I'm sorry, but you can't have ice cream for breakfast"? Or what about, "Sorry, but I don't have time to iron your shirt before we all have to rush out of the house to work, sweetie". Am I really sorry? Not on your life. Chances are, I am more exasperated than anything at having been asked such a ridiculous thing in the first place! So why apologize?!? Even at work when I am confronted by an unhappy colleague or client, I am almost always the first to rush in with an apology. Heck, I even apologize to people who bump into me with their shopping cart in the grocery stores!

So what is this all about? Why do I, and so many of my friends (read: women friends... my husband would rather eat glass with a soup spoon than apologize for anything!), feel we need to apologize for things that are not really our fault/responsibility? For me, I think it has something to do with wanting to keep the peace, with my motherly instinct to keep people happy because happy people (particularly happy toddlers!) are easier to be around. Sometimes, though, I catch myself apologizing for what seems like just being present, for being myself, and for decisions or actions that I know in my heart are the right ones.

I need to honour my need for space. I need to recognize and take ownership for my decisions and embrace them as reflections of my best intentions and desire for good outcomes. I will acknowledge and respect other people's time and space, and in so doing extend that respect to myself as well. When required and when appropriate, I will take ownership for my actions and words and extend a heartfelt "I'm sorry" if that is what is needed. I will make amends, but will stop justifying and explaining myself to myself and to others.

So from today forward I will stop apologizing unless I truly mean it. I hope that's okay with you... sorry if it isn't.

Cruel to be kind...

This weekend my family gathered at the cottage to enjoy some time together, and in particular to visit with my grandfather who is visiting Ontario. Pa lives in Winnipeg, but comes out to visit us a few times a year. In recent years, however, my beloved Pa is slowing down. At the ripe age of 89, his spirit is willing but his flesh is weak... and getting weaker by the day.

It is difficult to watch someone you love so much, someone whose vitality and spirit are such a part of your life's memories, slowly start to slip away. At 89, my Pa has certainly lived a full life, but has sadly outlived not only most of his friends but his wife and a daughter as well. Time marches on, and I feel a bit as though my Pa is getting left behind.

My mom remarked that one of the most desperately sad things about aging is the fact that in old age one becomes invisible. The hearing starts to go so you miss out on conversations. Perhaps the eyesight has already gone, and energy levels have dropped dramatically. Life starts to move around you rather than through you. Worse yet, loved ones begin to impose limits on what you can do, where you can go,  whether you can drive...all in the name of love, caring, and a desire to keep you safe. Does the kindness chafe, I wonder?

How good can it possibly feel to have lived a long, and hopefully fulfilling, life, only to have your freedom and dignity swept away by the passage of time? How hard is it to experience your children now parenting you?

Resistance is futile...

Well I have finally done it. I have taken my first steps towards finally understanding social media and how to apply it as a marketing channel for business. I am still not entirely convinced that it will be relevant and/or useful for the company (we provide very back-end services), but I am willing to at least educate myself on the topic.

I am not at all social media savvy. Heck, I can hardly get around my own facebook page never mind creating one to drive busines. But if there is one thing I have learned over the years, what we resist persists. I have not really explored the growing world of social media, but I am being encouraged (read: mandated) by the higher-ups at my organization to get the company 'out there'. And right off the hop, my answer has been NO.

My instinctive (and irrational?) negative reaction to the idea of adopting this new communication method has given me pause. Any time I find myself vehemently opposed to something, it often indicates that I am being pushed outside of my comfort zone. When I dig a bit deeper, I recognize that it is my lack of knowledge that is at the root of my resistance. And so, thanks to Leslie Hughes at Punch! Media, I am going to educate myself on the ins and outs of LinkedIn, Facebook, and Blogging once and for all... or give it the old college try at the very least.

Dipping a toe...

My name is Andrea, and I am a working yoga mommy. I work full-time in publishing, try to live a yogic life (on and off the mat) each and every day, and am fully immersed in and in love with my family. If I were to title my blog in the true order of importance it would be called the Mommy Yoga Working, but somehow it doesn't have the same ring to it.

Being a Mommy is my joy. My two children (along with my cherished spouse!) are my loves. I am passionate about parenting, fascinated by my children's growth and development, and ridiculously obsessed with just about every little thing they do.

Yoga is my sanctuary. My life changed forever when I was introduced to yoga. Through my studies, my practice, and my teaching, yoga continues to change me in ways I could never have imagined. When the going gets tough, the tough hit the mat for a vigorous round of Sun Salutations...

Books, books, books, and more books. I have been obsessed with the written word since my childhood. My earliest memories are of trips the public library with my mommy way back when... I have been fortunate enough to find work in the publishing industry - first as an editor, then as a marketer, with a brief (but informative!) dabble in sales - but my secret desire has always been to be a librarian. The Dewey Decimal System is a thing of beauty, and a properly alphabetized book shelf is a joy forever!

This, my very first post, is titled "Dipping a toe..." as I am truly testing the waters and digging deep for the courage to put my thoughts out there. I have benefited so much from reading other people's thoughts and ideas that I felt it fitting that I try and contribute something to the conversation. If my experiences resonate with you, if you have a great tip on finding (and maintaining) the balance between work and life, if you disagree whole-heartedly with my take on the world, I want to hear from you.

In work, in life, and in yoga, there is no single path. There can be no right and wrong. All we can do is practice.