This weekend my family gathered at the cottage to enjoy some time together, and in particular to visit with my grandfather who is visiting Ontario. Pa lives in Winnipeg, but comes out to visit us a few times a year. In recent years, however, my beloved Pa is slowing down. At the ripe age of 89, his spirit is willing but his flesh is weak... and getting weaker by the day.
It is difficult to watch someone you love so much, someone whose vitality and spirit are such a part of your life's memories, slowly start to slip away. At 89, my Pa has certainly lived a full life, but has sadly outlived not only most of his friends but his wife and a daughter as well. Time marches on, and I feel a bit as though my Pa is getting left behind.
My mom remarked that one of the most desperately sad things about aging is the fact that in old age one becomes invisible. The hearing starts to go so you miss out on conversations. Perhaps the eyesight has already gone, and energy levels have dropped dramatically. Life starts to move around you rather than through you. Worse yet, loved ones begin to impose limits on what you can do, where you can go, whether you can drive...all in the name of love, caring, and a desire to keep you safe. Does the kindness chafe, I wonder?
How good can it possibly feel to have lived a long, and hopefully fulfilling, life, only to have your freedom and dignity swept away by the passage of time? How hard is it to experience your children now parenting you?
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