Just hold me...

As much as I have had to contemplate my sadness over the past few weeks, I would be incredibly self-centred and selfish if I didn't also consider the impact of my grandmother's illness (and ultimately her death) on my children. I should note that my children are nine and seven respectively, old enough to feel and express profound emotion, but not so old as to be able to rationalize it. I both despise and envy them this, particularly at times such as this.

I have been very fortunate in that my maternal Grandfather and my paternal Grandmother have both been a part of my childrens' lives and experiences. By virtue of trips by our family to Winnipeg, and trips by the Greats to Ottawa, my children have come to really know and appreciate my Grandparents. This is turning out to be a blessing and a curse. A blessing, obviously, because my children know and love two people who have been so fundamental to my happiness from childhood. A curse because now the Grands are both approaching their inevitable end... and my son doesn't like it. Not one bit. And I don't blame him.


My son is a boy's boy. He is rough and tumble, thinks making electromagnets in the garage is cool, and loves to turn anything and everything into a gun or a sword, I have never before considered macaroni as being particularly violent, but in the hands and imagination of my seven-year-old boy these unassuming elbow-shaped noodles are transformed into grenades and landmines. Charming. He is an avid reader (of REAL books... with paper!), passionate about science, and interested in just about everything. He does well at school, mostly gets along with his sister, and love love loves his great-grandparents.

When he sobs out his grief over my Grandmother's impending death, I am helpless. I want to cry too, but instinctively feel that that isn't really what he needs from me. Or is it? I can relate to his questioning of the 'rightness' of death... why can't she live to be 120 like her brain cells are capable of (thanks for that statistic Dr. Smith)? I have no answers. I can only just hold him, and tell him that he is right to be sad. I hope it makes everything a little easier even if I can't make it better.

I'm glad I have someone to do the same for me... xo, SG.